Aftermath
by juliaspov
Summary: Ianto's past comes back to haunt him. Will he survive the memories? Major angst warning. Set early to mid S2. Jack/Ianto


A/N: Ianto's point of view here is meant to be slightly skewed as his past comes back to haunt him. I hope it's not too confusing.

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The SUV came to a rolling stop in front of an old building, gravel crunching under it's tires. The Torchwood team stepped out of the vehicle, dust from the dirt road settling around them as they surveyed the vicinity. Construction equipment and building materials dotted the area surrounding the site providing any number of hiding places. All that remained of the garden was a few ratty bushes and some scrub grass growing forlornly around the far edges of the lot. The dirt drive a nearly indistinguishable path between the road and building.

Jack pulled out his familiar Webley and checked the safety settings as the others pulled their weapons as well. "Tosh, what can you give us?"

Tosh's voice whispered through all the com-links. "Distance is approximately 50 meters to the north and slowing."

The distant clatter of metal inside the structure drew their attention to the two storey brick building. "Owen. Gwen. Circle around back and come up from behind. Ianto and I will go in the front."

The group of four began to move towards the building, Jack in the lead. "Keep your com-links open. We'll circle around to catch him between us, then try to convince him to give us the device willingly, but deadly force if necessary."

Gwen and Owen moved off around the side of the building and as soon as they were out of sight Jack turned his gaze onto Ianto. The younger man had been looking paler than usual and spending more time than was healthy going over the artefacts that had been salvaged from Torchwood London that Torchwood Two had recently turned over to them for storage. Jack could tell that the entire process was taking an emotional toll on Ianto, dredging up old memories of Torchwood One, and he wanted to draw the young man away from that if only for a few hours. He just hoped he was ready.

"You ready for this?" At Ianto's guarded nod Jack gave him another appraising look, reading the nervous tension in the younger man's shoulders and the self doubt that lurked in his eyes. The tiny flicker of fear that Jack could see was normal and healthy so he willingly accepted what Ianto was offering, he was ready. "Okay. Just stay by me and we'll get this sorted soon enough."

Tosh's voice came over the com-link. "He's moved up to the second floor. The signal has been stationary for the last minute so I think it's safe to say he's trying to hide."

Jack and Ianto entered the building, pushing aside the weathered sheet of MDF covering the door opening, a broken padlock laying on the stoop attesting to the fact that the building had once been locked up tightly. "Owen, Gwen, make your way forward and follow us up the stairs. Ianto and I will go up first." His voice was low as they entered the building cautiously, guns at the ready.

Open walls of wooden studs created a labyrinth of pathways that the two men wove their way through. Sawhorses and table saws littered the floor, wires and cords dangling from the ceiling. Workbenches covered with tools and diagrams to navigate around with a thick layer of sawdust covering everything.

What sounded like a plastic utility bucket being knocked over came from the stairwell on their left. Jack pointed, directing Ianto to move silently as the men made their way up the stairs.

Ianto inhaled deeply, the smell of sawdust and wet plaster mixed with the distinctive smell of fresh paint, filling his nostrils almost overwhelming him. He cocked his head to the side, coming to a halt, catching the distant sound of screaming and shouts. A quick glance at Jack showed the older man still moving up the stairs seemingly unaware of the screams for help. The shouting died away as Ianto moved forward again and he shook his head slightly, suddenly unsure of what he had actually heard.

The two men stepped out of the stairwell emerging at the edge of a plastic shrouded maze, sheets of plastic hanging down from bare ceiling supports blocking their view of the rest of the area. Paint buckets and brushes stacked neatly against the wall waiting to be put into use in the near future. Larger half empty buckets of plaster and spackle littering the area. A disorientating dreamlike quality to the moment settled around Ianto and he felt tension start to snap through his body.

Screams grabbed the younger man's attention, the sounds distant but still terrifying. He turned his head, listening, unable to discern which direction they came from. A light sheen of sweat broke out on his brow as he forcefully dragged his attention back to Jack, watching as the confidant man eased into the room taking care to avoid the abandoned tools and encroaching walls of plastic sheeting. There was no change in the way Jack was moving, it was almost as if he couldn't hear the shouts, the gut wrenching cries for help that were sounding in the distance.

Forcing his attention to remain on his commander, Ianto followed cautiously as they made their way further into the plastic draped maze. Something deep down inside of him was yelling at him to turn around and leave this building, to get as far away from this place as possible. But that was one thing that Ianto could not do. The man they had been tracking for hours was somewhere in this building, in this jumble of construction, and many lives depended on finding that person and the technology they had brought with them.

The man's own overconfidence would be his undoing as he hadn't counted on coming in contact with Torchwood. With his vague promises to remove fear, to remove sex and class, colour and creed. That he could make the human race better. Upgrade their existence to that of a superior race. Words hauntingly familiar to Ianto. Something straight out of his nightmares.

Ianto felt a tremor start across his shoulders and a cold grip of fear tug at his throat. The faint screaming was getting louder and he could make out another sound as well, now discernable and getting closer. The thunderous rhythm of marching feet keeping exactly in step. A tang of metal was in the air as the distant sound of the approaching army grew closer. Ianto opened his mouth to warn Jack but could make no sound. He shut his eyes tightly, dragging in a gasp of air as he reached out to steady himself, his searching hand gripping onto a plastic divider as an iron vice wrapped around his chest and squeezed all the air from his lungs.

Lucent flames erupted in front of his eyes as paint buckets were kicked away off to one side of him. The roaring in his ears deafened him to Jack's voice calling to him, shouting at him to run. Out of nowhere another body shouldered roughly past him in a frantic break for the stairwell. Overbalanced, Ianto tripped over a ladder catching his foot in a trailing edge of plastic, his body slamming painfully to the floor.

The back of Ianto's head connected with the corner of metal toolbox laying on the floor, stunning him as he lay on the ground. The world was spinning around him in a dizzying spiral and he felt hands pulling at his shoulders, sitting him upright. Afraid of what he would see he slowly opened his eyes wincing as his senses were hit from all sides. Screams and shouts overwhelmed his hearing, smoke and flames blocked his sight, thoughts of Lisa flooded through his mind and his emotions went into overload.

Jack tightened his grip on Ianto's shoulders. Their quarry had broken from his hiding place and body slammed the younger man before escaping down the stairs. "Owen, the guy made it past us and he's coming your way. We're following. Use any means available. Do _not_ let him get away."

"We're on it." There was grim determination in that voice and Jack knew that Owen and Gwen would follow his orders without question.

"Ianto, let's go." The silence of the building except for the echo of retreating footsteps created a sense of urgency. Jack pulled at the young man who seemed a little dazed and shaken up by the fall, but there was nothing he could do about it now, they had to catch the man they were chasing, the evil they needed to stop. Standing up Jack pulled the other man to his feet and stepped away once Ianto had found his balance. There was something wrong with Ianto's expression, it was almost as if he wasn't aware of what was happening, as if he were somewhere else, but they couldn't stop now. He didn't appear to be physically injured and Owen and Gwen needed their help. "Let's go." Jack handed Ianto his gun that had been knocked out of his hand when he fell before turning away kicking aside the fallen ladder.

Jack had already moved out of sight into the plastic maze and started towards the stairs following the fleeing man, not noticing as the youngest Torchwood member stumble sideways a step before sinking back down to the floor as his knees gave out, wrapping his arms around himself curling his body into a tight ball.

Ianto pressed a hand to the back of his head, the throbbing pain piercing through his daze. Feeling the sticky dampness there he pulled his hand away and brought if forward. Blood smeared across his palm and the screaming grew louder again. Flames flickered on either side of him, their burning heat and searing smoke choking him until he couldn't draw any air into his lungs, disorientating him, knocking his emotions further off balance.

A high pitched keening noise pierced though the clamour of the roaring flames, screeching metal and terrifying screams into his consciousness. Covering his ears could not block out the sound as he realized that it was coming from himself. He buried his face into his upraised knees and starting rocking back and forth. The pain, the noise, the smell of death surrounded him.

In the distance he could almost make out the sound of his name. Was Lisa calling for him? He needed to find her, he need to get her away from this hell that the Cybermen were creating. He lifted his head to try to see his girlfriend but the walls of plastic obscured his view, the smoke from the fire stinging his eyes making them water impairing his vision further.

The sound of movement close to him seized his attention, footsteps, plastic being pulled away. Looking around quickly he saw there was no where to hide, the Cybermen were going to find him and convert him. He needed to protect himself, he needed to protect Lisa. His eyes fell on the gun that had fallen carelessly on the floor in front of him and scrambled forward to snatch it up. If he couldn't kill the Cybermen then perhaps he should kill himself. There would be one less body to upgrade, one less soldier to fight their Cyber War. But what about Lisa? He couldn't leave her here on her own, defenceless and alone. No, he would fight and he would find Lisa and he would get them both out safely.

A shadow moved between the cloudy sheets of plastic. They had found him. Fear gripped him but his resolve was strong. Ianto felt his heart pound and his stomach flutter with anxiety as he raised the gun in the shadow's direction, knowing what he had to do. He had to protect Lisa, he had to kill the Cybermen before they tried to upgrade her.

The loud report and unexpected recoil of the shot knocked Ianto off balance and he dropped back onto his backside. A gasping groan of pain followed by the sound of a body falling to the ground drew Ianto from his daze. That was not the heavy sound of metal hitting the floor. Oh God, what had he done? He scurried forward, around the ever present wall of plastic, eyes widening, to see Jack lying in a growing pool of blood as his hand weakly tried to stem the flow of blood from his neck.

Electrical sparks snapped in the air around Ianto, the sounds of machinery a malevolent backdrop as the shouts and screams intensified and guilt overran the young man. He fell to his knees beside Jack. This was his fault. It was his fault that Lisa was going to die at the hands of the Cybermen. It was his fault that she was there in the first place, waiting for him to finish work. It was all his fault that Jack lay before him, bleeding, dying. All his fault. His fault.

Something clicked over in his head and Ianto felt the panic start to recede. The tears still came but he knew what he needed to do. The training he went through when he first started at Torchwood One was coming back to him. The routine that had been drilled into him, into all of them, was ingrained deeply and he would use that knowledge to help him. He knew what he must do. He needed to save Lisa, he needed to get her out of here and away from the Cybermen. He needed to save Jack before the Cybermen found him.

Slipping his arms around Jack's torso Ianto carefully raised him off the ground, not caring that blood was soaking through his suit. All that mattered was that he get help for Lisa, she was seriously injured. Smoke and flames were still obscuring his view and cutting into his lungs. The searing heat and pain reducing his oxygen intake. He had to get out of there, he needed to breath fresh air, but there was no way he was going to leave Lisa. No way.

He struggled to draw in a full breath of air knowing the lack of oxygen was making his muscles weak. The body he was dragging was getting heavier and heavier but he was not going to leave Jack here. He had already lost one person he loved to the Cybermen, he was not about to let another one go.

But Jack's body was too heavy or Ianto's own too drained to go further and he unwillingly crumpled to the ground, holding Jack tightly against his chest, not knowing what else to do. Gently laying Jack back against the floor Ianto dropped his head against the older man's chest. Desperate to find life, terrified he might find something else. Even through the noise pounding in his ears he could hear the weak thump of Jack's heartbeat, feel the gentle rhythm against his cheek as it slowly faded away.

Misery crashed over him and unrestrained tears ran fast down Ianto's cheeks, soaking into the woollen coat of the man he had killed. The primal scream built up slowly until Ianto had to sit back and set it loose. Releasing all the anger, rage and fear, all the helplessness and despair. He screamed because Lisa was dead. He screamed because Jack was dead. He screamed because he couldn't stop the Cybermen from taking more lives. So much death surrounded him. He screamed at the pain.

Owen and Gwen burst out of the stairwell out onto the floor. The tormented screams were louder up here and they could tell in an instant it was Ianto's voice they were hearing. Just a few meters ahead of them, hidden in the plastic wrapped warren of aisles was their friend suffering some unknown anguish. Owen felt himself grow cold and swallowed hard as he looked around the landing. The construction on this floor brought back sharp memories he would rather not remember. Canary Wharf, with so many good people laying dead, partially converted or burned beyond recognition. It had taken some months before he could get the sights, sounds and smells of the devastation out of his mind, and he had just been there helping with the aftermath, not during the original horror. He couldn't even imagine what Ianto was going through but it was obvious that Ianto had snapped, broken.

Without a seconds thought Owen raced back down the stairs, not even sparing a look at their prisoner laying bound and unconscious at the bottom of the stairs. Running outside he grabbed up his medical kit from the SUV and rushed back into the building. Locating his team mates on the second floor he found Gwen trying futilely to calm the youngest member of their team. Ianto knelt on the blood stained floor, head tilted back as he continued to scream and cry without pause for breath with Jack held tightly against his chest, rocking back and forth. The blood covering Jack's neck and a good portion of his upper body made it obvious to any of them that their leader was dead.

Quickly filling a syringe Owen moved in on Ianto and jabbed the needle into the younger man's neck. No time to worry about hurting him. He was already in acute pain and as a doctor and good friend Owen felt it was necessary to try to ease the anguish any way he could.

Standing back Owen watched as Gwen caught Ianto, the younger man's cries dying out as he slowly slumped to the ground sinking into unconsciousness, his tearstained face coming to rest on her shoulder as the sedative took effect. Only then did Owen notice the tears in Gwen's eyes and briefly swiped at the moisture of his own as they both tried and failed to shake off the effects of the pain and guilt that Ianto had been trying to scream away. Even in the sudden silence Owen could still hear Ianto's cries ringing in his ears as he watched Gwen lay the lax form of their friend gently on the floor, a shaking hand gently stroking his forehead.

A gasping breath announced the reanimation of Jack and he sat up taking in the situation around him with one quick glance eyes stopping on Ianto's still form. At Owen's quiet words, "Canary Wharf" he reached out to pull Ianto into a tight embrace.

o0O0o

The two men sat close together on the couch just talking, the rest of the team having left hours ago. The lights were dimmed to half power and the machinery had stilled leaving the men in their own quiet little world. Jack looked at the ghostly pale face of the man he was holding in his arms and pressed a small kiss to Ianto's forehead.

Ianto had refused psychological evaluation after Canary Wharf and never attended any of the counselling sessions set up for the survivors. Jack knew this and in retrospect should have expected something like this to happen. Should have insisted that Ianto talk to someone about his experience rather than burying it and hiding it deep inside of him.

Not liking it, but knowing that the best way for Ianto to rise above his experiences at Canary Wharf was to talk about it, Jack had insisted that Ianto tell him everything he remember from that day. The anger he had felt, the desperation, the guilt, the pain.

The whole painful story came spilling out, Ianto unable to stop it, Jack unwilling to try. And so Ianto told his story, how the day had started as any day making plans for the evening, discussing what to make for dinner. Later at work the excitement of hearing that The Doctor was in the building and the possibility of some new artefacts to catalogue.

The happiness and excitement of the day crashed away as fear took over when the alert siren and stations alarm sounded. The echoes of mechanical voices shouting to _exterminate_ followed closely by the metallic marching feet and more mechanical voices replying _delete_. The guns and rifles being discharged against lasers and rays but neither one effective against the other. The knowledge that Lisa had been on one of the upper levels when all hell broke loose up there.

He remembered the sound of _delete_ echoing in his ears. Hiding, taking little used corridors to reach Lisa. Avoiding Cybermen, using the construction site for cover. The harsh mix of both relief and despair when he found her and dragged her from the conversion chamber. The horrible guilt that he had about feeling relieved that it hadn't been he that had been caught by the Cybermen when his girlfriend was lying there half dead, partially converted. It should have been him suffering all that pain but a deep and unacknowledged part of him was secretly glad that it wasn't.

During the whole speech Jack held the younger man tight in his arms, just listening, not judging. Giving him a safe place to remember and relive, hoping to help him face the horror, to look at it in a different light. When Ianto finally stopped talking his emotions were no longer snapping like a tarp in a gale force wind, he was emotionally drained and shaking noticeably. Tears had come and gone but were threatening again as Jack pressed another kiss to Ianto's forehead helping a sense of calm to settle over the frayed emotions.

Jack's voice was just a murmur but Ianto heard every word. "You know the healing won't happen overnight, and the memories of the trauma will never disappear completely, but you can always come and talk to me. If something happens or if some situation reminds you too much of Canary Wharf I'm always here to listen. You shouldn't bottle it up inside of you, don't avoid it. Face your fears, that's what makes us human."

Ianto nodded his head, knowing that Jack was right and throughout his long existence had probably experienced the same feelings that Ianto was experiencing for himself right now. Even sharing just the bare bones of the story seemed to reduce the terrible strength of the memories that had gripped hold of his life.

Many times he had been tempted to just withdraw from the world, to close in on himself to protect his emotions from any more conflicts but then he would get a smile from Jack or a hug from one of the girls and he would realize that they needed him. He wasn't about to let them down so he carried on, burying his memories as deeply as he could until he couldn't control the force of them when something unexpected caused them to erupt out of him.

The warmth of Jack's arm around his shoulders reinforced Jack's words that he didn't need to take on the entire world on his own. He had friends to help. Ianto slowly sat up straight a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. After so many months of deliberately cutting himself off from life and emotions it felt good, really good to finally be free to feel again.

Jack took the withdrawal as a good sign if the smile on the young man's face was anything to go by. "I think it's time I took you home and put you to bed. You have to work tomorrow and we don't want your paperwork to suffer."

Ianto hesitated only briefly before placing his hand in Jack's and allowing him to help him stand. "Ah. You realize that's almost harassment, sir, as I'm certain that I can manage to get myself home to bed without any assistance."

Jack smiled softly at him and started to walk away. "What are friends for…"

Ianto watched the older man stride into his office and grab his coat. The strength hidden in those broad shoulders was amazing, they were carrying the weight of the world with ease. Maybe one day Jack would share some of the secrets in his life with him and allow Ianto to return the favour, share his burden, as Jack had done for Ianto.

Epilogue…

Later that night, or would it be early morning now, back in the Hub after making sure Ianto got to bed, Jack stood in front of Ianto's desk looking at the rigidly organized supplies. It was one small way Ianto was proving he had some control over his life. Jack hoped that he would be willing to face the residual trauma just as well and take back his inner confidence.

A smile and a nod to himself Jack acknowledged that Ianto could do it. He had the strength to see this through. Running his fingers across the keyboard of the young man's computer Jack noticed a slight discolouration on one of the keys drawing his attention closer. A small chill of worry flickered through him. There on the right side of the keyboard the word _delete_ had been carefully etched away.

End

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A/N: Thank you for reading! If there's something you like about this story please tell me so I know which direction to steer future stories, same if there's something you don't like so I can stay away from those areas. Thanx!


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